A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He
reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes
you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be a software
developer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man.
"How did you know?"
"Well," says the
balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's
of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must
work in business as a manager." "I do," replies the balloonist,
"but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man,
"you don't know where you are or where you are going, but you expect me to
be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met but now
it's my fault."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everybody Knows:
- Discipline is
the best tool.
- Design first,
then code.
- Don't patch bugs
out, rewrite them out.
- Don't test bugs
out, design them out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Troops Know
- The schedule
doesn't have enough time for maintenance in it.
- A lot of bugs
get past the tests.
- Most old code
can't be maintained.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
André
Bensoussan once
explained to me the difference between a programmer and a designer: "If
you make a general statement, a programmer says, 'Yes, but...'while
a designer says, 'Yes, and...'"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A
programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp,
and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I
can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”
The
programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the
Middle East.”
The genie
responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for
millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my
limits.”
The
programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of
users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them
ask for sensible changes.”
At which
point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why
computers are like men:
1.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2.
They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they are the problem.
4.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited
a little longer, you could have had a better model.
Why
computers are like women:
1.
No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for
later retrieval.
4.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Software
Development Cycles
1.
Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2.
Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3.
Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing
department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.
4.
Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and
discovers 15 new bugs.
5.
Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6.
Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product
announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is
released.
7.
Users find 137 new bugs.
8.
Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere
to be found.
9.
Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137
bugs, but introduces 456 new ones.
10.
Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard
from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
11.
Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using
profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12.
New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a
programmer to redo program from scratch.
13.
Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…
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http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/2005/03/on-software-engineering.html
http://www.multicians.org/thvv/proverbs.html
http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/s/software_engineer.asp